Victorian Mourning Customs That Still Give Us Chills

Grief became an art form. Mourning turned into a language all its own.

Black crepe on a door. The dull rustle of bombazine. A locket that holds a braid of hair. In the nineteenth century grief did not hide in private rooms. It moved through streets and parlors with rules, uniforms, and objects meant to hold memory. These customs feel uncanny now, yet they reveal how Victorians tried to make sorrow visible and legible.

The rulebook of mourning

Etiquette guides mapped grief into stages. Deep mourning required matte black fabrics such as crape and bombazine. Jewelry was restricted to dull finishes and black materials. Colors softened later in half mourning, when gray, lavender, and white were permitted. Not every family could or did follow every rule, yet social pressure and fashion columns made the system feel official. For clear overviews, see the Victoria and Albert Museum on mourning dress and etiquette and Britannica’s entry on mourning dress.

Sources: V&A Museum | Britannica

Jewelry of sorrow

Whitby jet. The most iconic mourning material was jet from Whitby in Yorkshire. It is fossilized wood that carves to a deep, velvet black. Demand surged after Queen Victoria’s bereavement. Workshops flourished and jet appeared at the Great Exhibition. Jet was light on the neck and visually powerful against black fabric.

Alternatives for every budget. As fashion spread, more affordable substitutes appeared. Vulcanite, gutta percha, bog oak, black glass, onyx, and even enamel allowed a similar look at lower cost. These materials filled shop windows with brooches, lockets, and beads that signaled respectability as much as sorrow.

Sources: V&A on mourning jewellery | Historic UK on Whitby jet | Whitby Museum jet collection

Hairwork and memory you can touch

Mourning jewelry often carried the hair of the deceased. Some pieces held a small lock under crystal. Others transformed hair into art through table braids, wreaths, and intricate palette work arranged like miniature landscapes. These objects were not morbid to their owners. They were portable shrines and a way to keep the beloved present in daily life.

Sources: The Met on hair jewelry | V&A examples

Photographs of the departed

Photography became part of mourning when families had no portrait of a loved one in life. Post mortem images were usually tender and plainly labeled as memorials. A persistent internet myth claims that photographers propped the dead to look alive. Historians point out that posing stands visible in some photos were designed to steady living sitters during long exposures. They were not used to support corpses. A handful of images do show eyes painted onto closed lids or after effects that make the subject seem awake. The intention was remembrance rather than trickery.

Sources: HistoryExtra myth buster | Public Domain Review essay | Snopes fact check

House and table rituals

Mourning reached into kitchens and parlors. Guests sometimes received funeral biscuits wrapped in printed papers that served as notices or souvenirs. Black edged stationery and envelopes announced a death without a word. Curtains, mirrors, and doorways were dressed in somber materials to signal loss to the neighborhood.

Sources: British Library funeral biscuit wrapper | The Postal Museum on black edged letters | York Castle Museum on Victorian funerals

Myths that refuse to die

Tear catchers. Small antique bottles are often sold as Victorian lachrymatories that captured tears. Glass historians and museum curators note that most of these bottles are perfumes from much earlier traditions or modern reinterpretations. The romantic label is recent. The bottles are beautiful, yet the story attached to them is mostly myth.

Sources: Museum of Glass on tear catchers | HistoryExtra on the myth

What survives today

You can still see Victorian mourning culture in museums and historic towns. Whitby remains a center for jet history. Museums hold powerful collections of hairwork and mourning jewelry. Many contemporary makers continue hairwork by commission with consented materials and clear ethics. If you collect antiques, consider provenance and the wishes of families whenever possible.

Visit: Whitby Museum | V&A jewellery collections

Closing

Mourning customs can look eerie from a modern sofa. In their own time they offered structure, language, and a way to carry love into daily life. A jet brooch was not just fashion. A braid of hair was not just a keepsake. Each object tried to hold a person for a little longer. That wish is not Victorian at all. It is human.

Further reading and references: V&A on Victorian mourning, V&A on mourning jewellery, Historic UK on Whitby jet, Whitby Museum jet collection, Public Domain Review on post mortem photography, HistoryExtra on photo myths, Snopes fact check, British Library on funeral biscuits, The Postal Museum on black edged letters, HistoryExtra on tear catchers.